I'm Guilty as Charged!

HAPPY FRIDAY!! YAY!! Finally, I have been waiting all week for the weekend!

So, when my man came home last night, he came and gave me some love, farted around the house a bit, ate some leftovers, then went to the balcony to chill out for a while. I was minding my own business watching "American Inventor" when I hear:

Him: Baaaaaaaaabe!
Me: What!!??
Him: Why you tryin to murder my plant?? (See post a few days ago about the stinky plant for more details)
Me: (thinking to myself) BUSTED!!!!
Me: (out loud) What are you talking about?! You took it outside because it smelled like a decaying cow's ass!
Him: It's dying because it's not supposed to have direct sunlight... you're tryin to kill my plant... (sad face)
Me: (In my head) I thought that shit looked dead when we put it out there, what the hell is he talkin about?
Me: (out loud) What the hell are you talking about, do you wanna bring the nasty thing in? Go ahead, but blame yourself if you come home one day and I'm passed out on the floor dead from stank-itis inhalation!
Him: Whatever, you just don't like my plant...
Me: (thinking to myself) You're damn skippy!!! And that shit is STAYING out there, where it BELONGS!! :)

I must admit readers, that I was so happy when that plant caught the root rotting virus that made it smell like all hell broke loose. I was glad that it got it's spot on the entertainment center taken by my new beautiful orchid. I can admit to you that I hoped it would die outside without water and bathed in sunlight within a week. I can admit that (to you).

Now, to my boyfriend, the man I love. There are some other things I have done too. Things that I would probably do again should the opportunity present itself. I am here to confess.

I have:

1. Thrown several shirts and holey pairs of socks away while doing your laundry. You shouldn't be caught dead in these things, and I certainly don't want to be in public with you when you wear them.

2. I have fast forwarded or skipped a few chapters ahead on your favorite DVD when I caught you dozing off several times. I'm sorry, I was tired too and I'm sick of The X-Men.

3. I often use nonfat or lowfat products when I'm cooking your favorite foods. I know you are diabolically opposed to lowfat and nonfat products because "they taste like crap" but up until now, you have never noticed, and I will continue to do so until I am caught.

4. I have lied when confronted about going on large shopping sprees. I tell you I bought so much stuff because I had a gift certificate. The truth is, that I didn't - but if I didn't have those shoes, 2 pairs of jeans, 4 tops and oh-so-cute jacket, I surely would have died. I'm sorry (although you weren't complaining when you smacked my ass in those cute ass jeans!)

5. When you made that curry chicken for me when we first started dating because you knew how much I loved Thai curry, I actually scraped some of it into the trash can off of my plate when you went to the bathroom. When you told me you had mixed in low fat milk into the marinade (you can buy it at Trader Joes) instead of coconut milk, I instantly realized why it tasted like dung. Although I faithfully swallowed it down and said it tasted like a dream, I really hated it. I'm sorry, but thank you so much for taking the time to cook for me, I love you.

6. When we were packing up your house to move into our new spot, I threw away so many old, dusty things that you would probably have a heart attack if you found out. However, we have lived together for about 6 months now and you haven't noticed one missing thing, so I guess it was for the best.

7. Sometimes, when I'm in bed going to sleep, and you are in the living room doing work or watching TV, I say my stomach hurts, just so you'll come in and lay with me. Sorry.

I'm sure there's many more, but these are little white lies, they are used to protect you and get me what I want sometimes. So sorry, I know it's wrong and that's why I have confessed. (I just hope you never find this blog!!) :)
Am I wrong ya'll?

Have you told any little lies to your mate? What were they?

Have a Peace Weekend!

"A smooth lie is better than a distorted truth." - from 'Moon Over Morocco'